Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Road to Grad School is Really Long

For your entertainment, I present: the trip log. It's rated "L" for really long. But fun, too. In it's own long way...

8:30am--Rhetorical Twist collects Teacher Poet and says good bye to the adorable doggies.
9:00am--official time of "hitting the road."
10:45am--first rest stop. Rhetorical Twist and Teacher Poet have a thoroughly disgusting meal of greasy fried chicken and a rat burger at Roy Rodgers. Both vow to never eat there again.
11:05am--Rhetorical Twist and Teacher Poet are informed that Lady Audley and family will be late to the meeting place. Time wasting commences.
11:10--bathroom break, where we find out that for 35 cents you can find out your weight and lucky number. Quite a bargain.
11:16--Teacher Poet gets a soda and chooses rootbeer. Rhetorical Twist disapproves. She would have chosen cherry coke.
11:39--Teacher Poet successfully moves the seat back a whole inch, despite the jam-packed nature of the car. She's much happier. Time killing continues...
11:51--Rhetorical Twist brings the smack in the form of an (inaudible) comment to Teacher Poet on a woman who cut her off and then glared. Teaching is looking easier.
12: 30ish--arrival of Lady Audley and family, as well as the subsequent official beginning of the road trip. Rhetorical Twist is put in charge of navigation. She has no sense of direction and is bad with maps.
4:00pm--Rhetorical Twist gets very nervous when she sees the "Welcome to W. VA" sign, as she thought they were just going straight to Ohio. panicking ensues, peppered with many cries of, "if we took the wrong route, Lady Audley will never let me live it down!" Consults map and realizes it's all good.
5:00pm--stop for dinner. Discover chains attaching Lady's Audley's trailer to the van have worn through. Call U-Haul. Wait 45 minutes. Spend the time goofing around in the convenience store and befriending a state cop as the boys Audley try to buy liquor underage.
6:00pm--Rhetorical Twist begins to develop a hate for Ohio just because of it's huge size. Stupid Ohio.
7:00pm--deeper hatred for Ohio.
8:00pm--still deeper...
10:30pm--hit Indiana border. For the next 83 exits, every time Rhetorical Twist sees a hotel she thinks, "they have beds..." She promises to talk to Teacher Poet to keep her awake, as she has taken over the driving. Within 5 minutes, Rhetorical Twist is dozing off.
12:30am-- arrive at skeezy hotel. Must change to a new room. Disgusting beyond all belief.
12:35am--Teacher Poet says, "get your bags off the floor. I don't want to know what's crawling around down there." Rhetorical Twist screams.
1:15am--Rhetorical Twist hit with uncontrollable giggles. Lady Audley and Teacher Poet are ready to kill her.


Teacher Poet said...

It wasn't just a skeezy hotel! It was The Skeeze Hotel. Approximately four biological fluid deposits on the blanket and dinner plate sized stain on the comforter warrant as much. *gags* I think that room is usually rented out by "John."

DocHoc said...


The best part is, I can totally visualize Rhetorical Twist getting the uncontrollable giggles at 1:15am. And even better--the faces Audly and Poet stare at her with.

Michael5000 said...

Rhetorical Twist hates Ohio for its "huge size"?

"Huge size"?


Geez, where is Rhetorical Twist from, anyway?